Because I'm worth it
Ameya on holiday, musings on movement, and how to check if you're punching down
Or should I say cariños, because I’m in Spain? Yes, that’s right, Ameya has flown the coop!
I didn’t realise until the pandemic how much the ability to travel abroad affected my ability to stay home. I know, I know, super privileged here, and, of course, I can and do live in India, but not being able to go anywhere for two years really brought home to me how important it is for me to be able to sniff out new people and places—well “not home” people and places at any rate.
This trip is currently being called “Ameya’s mad trip,” quite rightly if you ask me, because I am in Spain, on the way to a wedding in the Dominican Republic, and then onward to stay with my sister in the US for a month (and see my nieces after more than two years), and then ANOTHER wedding in Mexico, returning to my darling Pallavi only in the middle of December.
I am both transcendentally excited and totally terrified. I’m spending all my savings, and given this is such a long term plan, and we’re in the middle of the pandemic, I live in daily expectation of having some part of it cut off. But then I breathe deeply and remind myself it’s no hardship to be stuck in any of these countries, and all will be well.
However! All is not that simple when you travel as a fatso…as I realised on my first flight from Delhi to Doha, when my dodgy knee started aching and I couldn’t stretch it out because the seat in front had something blocking my foot. Meawhile, the guy crammed in next to me was also pretty miserable. And then, walking through the airports it came home to me that, while I do work out, I do not move anymore.
Thanks to wfh and pandemic life, I find that I barely move all day. Bed-loo-kitchen-desk-dining table is the circuit. I stood there in Doha airport contemplating having to flag down a golf cart and beg for a ride like all the old people and felt a wave of shame and embarrassment wash over me. It took me a good ten minutes to get out of it too, mainly by reminding myself that neither “old” nor “fat” is intrinsically a bad thing. But I did also make myself a promise to move more and do physio every night, and maybe get a brace for when I travel?
The most exciting thing that happened this week was four people sending me the video that skinny girl made on Instagram, complaining about how plus sized people complain about not being able to find clothes but I’m like super small and I’m wedding shopping and I’m struggling, and they should charge me less money for the tiny amount of fabric they need. The internet went mad and she took it down, and I was ignoring it, when Swara Bhaskar turned up with her take, which was that the girl was just being crazy and silly and having fun with her friends. I was like—no. And I wrote up a little novel on our stories, which I’m also going to share with y’all now :D
The thing is. The thing is. The thing is that when you are in a position of privilege you're "fooling around" ha ha ha v cute. But you don't have to live with the stigma and trauma and disadvantages of not having that privilege. That's why it's not ok to fool around and go ha ha being a silly idiot y'all. Because you are mocking the real trauma of people for your fun. What's more, I understand that we can't all be thoughtful and correct all the time but we can definitely consider our actions on public forums. You have a private Instagram account you do you booboo. But this is public and blue tick so you know and you have sought official recognition for your status as a public figure. Which means you have to take the responsibility that comes with that and you can't fool around in public. I say OUTRAGEOUS things all the time but only in small ground of very close friends who already know my VALUES and understand I’m goofing off. Never in public. It's easy to test if it's ok to say something: pretend it's men saying something about women. Is it cool and fun and light lo of a guy is all OMG what is it with women needing special time off for their period? I find it very useful to check if humour is punching up or down.
Quick wrap-up of what we’ve been up to on Instagram: I made a reel about my dress with pockets, Pallavi is excited about tube tops and halter necks (while looking smoking hot), I made a tiny video about eating and drinking on holiday, Pallavi told off some trolls in this reel, and I modeled a new dress in my friend’s super lovely house.
That’s it for this VERY LONG edition! The next time you hear from me, I’ll be in a whole different country!
Ameya (& Pallavi)