What was, what is, what could have been and isn't ;)
Hello lovely people,
How is it December 1st already? Just as 2020 felt like it would never end, 2021 feels like it whooshed away. And what a transformational whoosh it has been for me. Moving house, living with Ameya, having Ameya’s cats win my heart, making new friends, living closer to old friends, a much needed break up, completing Season 2 of the podcast, A Suitable Agency signing us up, certifying as a Lifebook Leader and now going back to full time work in an environment that seems like a dream come true… I mean these are just “some” of the things that happened this year…. Oooh and a brand new haircut and finding an affordable source of clothes that fit me, leading to a brand new look!
While this year has been bookended by all these fantastic things, the middle—April to October—saw some of the darkest nights I have ever seen. So many fears triggered—loneliness, abandonment, not feeling I was doing enough, feeling frustrated at money being blocked or running out—there has been a lot to unpack. And I am so grateful to the therapy that supported me through what I could not have done alone.
The one thing that was neither triggered nor questioned was my opinions on fat liberation and the changes that I have made to my life which come from a fat liberated space. This to me is the biggest win. My good-enoughness always met its rock and hard place in my being fat, so this not being a consideration at all in my psyche has been so empowering. In fact, I have stood up for the fat community in forums I never thought I would dare express these opinions in. I feel so grateful to this community that keeps us thinking and going!
And which is why I made this reel about the murder of my former self and also the reason for the dancing reel with today’s post (apart from the to-drool-for saree that I’m wearing). Also hope you are enjoying all of Ameya’s dance reels in her new clothes. Her nieces certainly are!
Here’s to a good month y’all!
Love and hugs,
Pallavi (& Ameya)